~He is Here~

I came home Friday evening after the funeral, my son drove me home.  He pointed out the sunset off in the west, rolled down the window so I could take a photo.

Sinking into the earth.
To rise above the earth. 
Giving light to another part of the world. 

In the Episcopal Church during the Prayers of the People, this is said toward the end of the prayers.

Give to the departed eternal rest;
Let light perpetual shine upon them. 

We praise you for your saints who have entered into joy;
May we also come to share in your heavenly Kingdom,

During the petitions, Fr. Todd prayed;

"We pray for the soul of Robert, father of Lynette."

He will know no more darkness. He is free from Parkinson's, Dementia and a failing heart. No longer in a wheelchair. No longer lost and trapped.

The shell has been lowered into the earth.  
His soul has risen.
To bring light to another world.
Where light will perpetual shine. 

Prayers and words bring comfort. But the hurt is raw. When I woke up on Saturday I was foggy and dazed.  A profound sadness has taken over. Empty and sad. I cannot recall this intense of a feeling when my Mom died 26 years ago. I remember sadness, depression and anxiety.

This profound sadness feels new to me. Feels raw and heavy. I felt empty, the house feels empty.  It eased up as evening approached on Saturday, one week after he died. Woke to it again this morning. Mixed emotions and thoughts. The past week events swirling in and out of my mind. 

I barely made it through the Eucharist this morning. Clutching my Liturgical service bulletin and Kleenex I fought the tears yet they escaped. I could not say any of the words. Every word spoken, every note played on piano and organ penetrated my heart.

I walked down the aisle to receive communion, at the first strains of the organ my body shook and the tears came. Barbara came and hugged me,

"he is here" Pointing to the communion table, she said something to the effect, when the bread is raised above the Priest heads, it is being raise to the departed souls.

"He is here, he is here, in the rafters."

LynetteJoy