~This is how it goes down~

First there was the cancer journey and all that it entails. That ended and the next journey began, living as a survivor and cancer free. But still under Oncology care for follow-ups, yearly screenings and hormone therapy (medication to block estrogen).  The journey started at Kaiser and then took a turn in the road when we our insurance changed to United Healthcare. I was NOT happy with this. Through the new insurance I choose UC Davis. Changing insurance, new doctors and adjusting to a new medical system is daunting enough and being under Oncology care makes it even more overwhelming.

This is how it goes down.

Appointment is schedule with new oncologist, then the wait and feeling the angst.

Day of appointment I am on edge and snappy. Husband took the day off and went with me. The traffic was bad and it was raining hard.

Appointment goes well. I am still wet from the rain but otherwise goes well. Questions answered, exam and medication discussion. This was a meet and greet appointment so we went over the history making corrections in the UC Davis system. Going over my health history and family history. I had been off the Armidex (estrogen blocker) for couple of months and after a discussion started it again today. I want to lower my risk of another breast cancer or a metastasized cancer.

Immediately following appointment, pent up emotions are released. The tears come on the car ride home.

After appointment more questions pop up, I e-mail the doctor and receive responses.

The day after the appointment more pent up emotions surfacing.  Worries. Fears. The what if's and why's.

I feel and react to every ache, cramp, etc in my body. Well, I do this anyway but around appointment times I am worse.

Anger surfaces. I write in my journal and then take it out on a pillow. My counselor told me you have to physically get rid of anger. Hitting a pillow is therapy.

After the anger, the tears. Emotional.

Then weariness sets in, that is where I am this afternoon, tired.

And that is how it goes down.

Screenings at the end of April. Next Oncology appointment in July.

I'll let you know how that how goes down.

LynetteJoy