~A Hope of Many Hopes~

I had hoped he could live at home until his final breath. We all had hoped. In the comfort of his own living room and bedroom. With his own recliner, T.V. and music. The kitchen close by to eat meals at. But that was not to be. After a long period of living at home with my brother as his caregiver he was moved into a Care Home just before Christmas of 2018.  I still had hope (honestly I think it was denial) but the decision was to live elsewhere. Daddy was at high risk for falling, needed more and more care.

As his mind slipped away I moved shifted my focus and hoped for something else. Weekly I prayed, "please don't let him sink into full dementia and be completely bedridden." I prayed he would always know us and would not succumb to the full depth of dementia. But his mind slips further and further away. Unable to respond to questions or communicate needs. Did not know me on the phone or our relationship to one another. I don't think he knows he is a Father with three kids. I don't any know if remembers Mama or LaVola, his 2nd wife. 

I cannot imagine how confusing the world is to him. How frustrating to lose words, memories & simple tasks. Chunks of memories and vocabulary dropping off the radar. 

Now I hope he will not need a feeding tube or be fed. Or lose his ability to speak. Or need a more specialized wheelchair. The kind that reclines. Or be so far gone all he does is sleep.

But yet we see glimpses of our Dad....his eyes still light up at the mention of pilots and airplanes. Offering food to family. A story, comment or information to share. When he smiles for the camera. When you call him by his name.

So we take the glimpses and tuck them away. Into our hearts, mind and on paper. To remember them, collect them and add them to our own legacy collection.

LynetteJoy