Yeah today was one of those days when the reality smacks me up the side of the face. I was on Kaiser website, the appointment page and there they were, every single one of them. All 20 radiation appointments ( and a couple of other appointments) starting on Tuesday and the emotions swell up and I'm having a moment just before heading out to the playground. "Crap...I have cancer." And I have a colonoscopy scheduled for July that needs to be changed put off until August or September and I don't want to but I have too. And it's another unknown and now it's postponed. If I allow it anxiety starts....I cannot begin the "what if's?" What if's and should haves leave the door wide open for anxiety. And Tuesday if the first appointment and I really don't know what to expect. All I know is this first one is a half hour appointment and the others, all 20 of them are 12 minutes not including the time to change before and after and the weekly consult with the Oncologist.
And then the day starts and rolls along with the fire alarm going off right smack in the middle of nap time. That was fun, waking up sleeping children and getting out the door and then back inside and back to bed. I helped in several rooms. Last hour of the day was tiring.
And now I'm home and have one more day, my last day of working full-time, before a three day weekend. Three days to left the work week slide into the past and to not think about the month of appointments ( but I will) and to enjoy every moment of the weekend.
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