Less of me, more of God

September is here. Ushered in with cooler mornings, warm days and a few trees beginning to change their colors. Trading in their wreaths of greens for the golden hues of yellow, red & orange.  Preparation begins as nature cycles through passage of Autumn into Winter.  A season of storms and shortened sunlit days. Winter holds it's own beauty with the spark of two holidays that bring hope. But Autumn is my favorite season filling up my senses with their rich colors, scents and the sounds they deliver. A feeling of renewal begins to ripen in my soul, usually.

Autumn, the actual date, is but a couple of months away, but the beginning of September invokes images and feelings that can not wait. This season I long for those images, those feelings but the days have been long and fretful this past August. As I flip the calender over to a new month, August may be done, but the events of August carry into September and my heart is dampened with tears, some days it is downright soggy. 

My Dad continues to regain strength in TNI (Trauma Neuro ICU).  It's been 24 days. Had it not been for his colon twisting, a chronic problem he has had and that has elevated greatly since his Kidney surgery, his recover would have been different. The surgeon who is collaborating with his colleagues is recommending surgery to resolve this problem.  Another surgery is a risk, but the alternative (unless God chooses to perform a miracle & heal his colon, which I believe He can do), not doing surgery could result in a outcome that I can barely say.  There is only one Person in charge. God. The reality is almost impossible to assimilate, almost to much to bare at times. My Dad said to the chaplain on that august 10 morning, "God is in charge" as she prayed with heal moments before surgery. I  believe this surgery despite the risk could and will alleviate this problem.  We wait.

I know now how close we came to losing him on August 10 in the operating room.  I'm sorting that out. What is there to sort? I don't know. But the information is there along with each day's current progress. It's a difficult and dark passage this turn of events has been. Letting go of control (not that I had any control over this in the first place), but letting go and trusting has been the flickering light of hope. It's is difficult to explain the range of emotions to almost no feeling at all I have had. Yesterday was the first day a small amount of anger try to take hold.

So on this September morn I welcome the change of season in the air and look for hope. For I know it is there.  And when I am emotionally/mentally poor in spirit I am comforted.

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 5:3 NIV

You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. Matthew 5:3 The Message

Lynette